Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
