I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize