batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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