u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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