Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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