i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize