he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
