Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
