Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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