I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
