The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
