Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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