i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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