This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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