we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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