Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
