Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Randomize
