I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
