I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
