We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
