So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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