I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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