I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
