I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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