Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Drake has all the answers
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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