If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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