you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
