ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
