then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
