I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
