Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
