Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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