haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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