last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
