the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
