I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
