that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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