and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
