i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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