You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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