yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
