SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
