I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
