my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
where are you?
Hypothermia
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
