So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
