I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
