We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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