We're like a lot better than the average bears
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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