Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
