First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Randomize
