I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I think people are normalizing furries
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
