maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize