It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
