i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
