you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
