Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
