do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
