wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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