its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
