god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
