i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
