waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You're a waste of cheezeits
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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