Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think your dad took our porno
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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