Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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